Vampire Spiders attack- Dream

Philosophers don’t live happy lives… I think that’s why we get into philosophy, to try and conquer the demons inside us.

That’s why we sometimes go insane later in life. After all, after studying the intangible unreal mysteries of the world, how real can reality really seem? Like a dream.

And its my dreams that make me convinced that my hold on sanity will likely deteriorate over the next several years. Even as I try and hold on more tightly through philosophy, I know that I will only be waiting to see how it ends. And that’s the only reason I have to live now. I want to know how my life goes. It’s the only story I may ever experience (to my knowledge) and I’ll be damned if I’ll let that story be what kills me.

But reality? That is only gonna slip away. The dream I woke up from this morning, which scared the crap out of me such that I didn’t go to work:

I was being chased and hunted throughout most of the dream. It began with me and my friends and family in a clearing by the beach where we’d been planning to camp and have fun. It was a vacation. Somehow, it ended up being 6:30am the next day and I don’t know what happened in between getting there the previous day and 6:30am when I looked at my cellphone watch… the screen was cracked, I remember.

Skip ahead a bit (I don’t remember the skipped parts of the dream) and my peeps are mostly dead. The scene is of the rest of us trapped around these vampire spiders who are going to sacrifice us by beheading us. Something happens and there is some raucous and confusion, and in the midst I manage to break away. I don’t know what happens to everyone else, I can only run… I think the rest die. I somehow get home, and everyone in town is looking for me. The vampire spiders I know will kill anyone who tries to help me, and all I can do is run, steal a car, etc. I don’t know why I’m being chased.

Somehow, at this point in the dream I start running down the hill that I grew up on, Witham Hill. I start jumping a lot, and its like I can fly. But I can’t move forward at all, and somehow the dream morphs so that I can only move up and down, and I can’t escape or run or anything.

At this point I wake up and see the time, that I need to get to work. And almost immediately have a paralyzing anxiety attack, so that I don’t want to get out of bed let alone go to work. I manage into the shower though.

These dreams have been occurring for a while, nightmares like these. The flying theme has been reoccurring, which is odd cause I don’t often have reoccurring dreams. Otherwise, the only other reoccurring element is dying and threat of death.

I don’t know why this is. I’m probably going to lose my head, but we’ll see how it works out. I’ll be damned if I defeat myself, I’m too strong to do that. But what do I do if I want to win, but the only way to win is to lose, and want that loss? :/